(this is annie)

I am a 27-year-old woman... in braces. Regular readers of this barely-updated internet web site know that I am very self-conscious about my teeth. It's not the overjet so much as it is the four front teeth that jut out in opposing directions like squabbling travelers who all decided to take different paths from the same origin. And because I tend to push my tongue against those teeth when I talk, things were just getting worse. I envisioned a day when my teeth would fly out of my mouth at a 90-degree angle. Yipes. So I decided to use my Flex plan at work (Hi, I'm old) to save money on the very reasonable price my dentist quoted me for Invisalign.

Invisalign is the "invisible braces" system that, uh, Tom Cruise wore years ago. It involves wearing a series of clear aligners that, bit by bit, move the teeth into their appropriate spots. It also includes shaving the sides of certain teeth, which leaves you with tiny little gaps in between your teeth. My gaps look like miniaturized versions of Lauren Hutton's. Fulfilling a promise that he wouldn't laugh at me, my special gentleman friend stifles little giggles when they're visible. Nobody else seems to notice... until I start talking. Unaccustomed to having this plastic in my mouth, I wind up lisping. I sound like a twelve-year-old homophobe mimicking his band teacher—but one with straighter teeth already.