top 5 worst things said to me by dates or crushes
5. "You're so... innocent."
Said to me by one of those boys who usually shows up only in graphic novels: scooter-riding, dark-haired, Joy Division-listening, hot with infinite T's. I was too much of a good girl for him, it seems. I still see him from time to time and occasionally wish that he'd develop a Pollyanna fetish.
4. "I think I will call you Pork Butt!"
And I think I will develop a complex about my porcine posterior now.
3. "You're like a little sister to me."
The sinking of the S.S. Self-Esteem happened on a warm summer day. The ship was sailing along in warm waters, when suddenly she was rocked by a deluge of sexlessness. The ship plunged into the murky waters of the Sea of Sibling, and to this day a recovery crew feebly attempts to reassemble what's left of its dignity and allure.
2. "You dress business-casual.
Just because I was not following the day-old vomit spill of electroclash fashion, that does not mean I am Talbots-ed out.
1. "I'll call you."
Not very nice when it's meant to mean "I am not interested." I like directness.
top 5 worst things i've said on dates or to potential dates, 2003-2004
5. "Ooh, did you see the Colin Powell camera debacle on Meet The Press?
Of course not. Only the twelve other people who like to eat their eggs florentine while watching the televised spectre of Tim Russert did.
4. "The cat has a t-shirt he likes to wear."
Self-explanatory.
3. "Come look at my closet!"
As it turns out, the way to win someone's interest is not through meticulous shoe organization.
2. "I feel really plain around you."
I still feel bad about having said this. See, the recipient of this statement is disarmingly good-looking. I mean, people stare. In comparison to his appearance, I felt so unremarkable that it set off a series of little explosions of insecurity. The end result is that I made him feel self-conscious. Ugh. Me=jerk.
1. "That reminds me of the time I shot a hole in the living room wall."
No, seriously, I shot a hole in the wall. With a pistol. I was only twelve. My punishment was no Girl Scout meetings for two weeks. We covered the hole with a framed cross-stitching. What's that? You're going outside for a cigarette? But wait, I thought you didn't smoke. Well, okay, I will wait right here for you...
5. "You're so... innocent."
Said to me by one of those boys who usually shows up only in graphic novels: scooter-riding, dark-haired, Joy Division-listening, hot with infinite T's. I was too much of a good girl for him, it seems. I still see him from time to time and occasionally wish that he'd develop a Pollyanna fetish.
4. "I think I will call you Pork Butt!"
And I think I will develop a complex about my porcine posterior now.
3. "You're like a little sister to me."
The sinking of the S.S. Self-Esteem happened on a warm summer day. The ship was sailing along in warm waters, when suddenly she was rocked by a deluge of sexlessness. The ship plunged into the murky waters of the Sea of Sibling, and to this day a recovery crew feebly attempts to reassemble what's left of its dignity and allure.
2. "You dress business-casual.
Just because I was not following the day-old vomit spill of electroclash fashion, that does not mean I am Talbots-ed out.
1. "I'll call you."
Not very nice when it's meant to mean "I am not interested." I like directness.
top 5 worst things i've said on dates or to potential dates, 2003-2004
5. "Ooh, did you see the Colin Powell camera debacle on Meet The Press?
Of course not. Only the twelve other people who like to eat their eggs florentine while watching the televised spectre of Tim Russert did.
4. "The cat has a t-shirt he likes to wear."
Self-explanatory.
3. "Come look at my closet!"
As it turns out, the way to win someone's interest is not through meticulous shoe organization.
2. "I feel really plain around you."
I still feel bad about having said this. See, the recipient of this statement is disarmingly good-looking. I mean, people stare. In comparison to his appearance, I felt so unremarkable that it set off a series of little explosions of insecurity. The end result is that I made him feel self-conscious. Ugh. Me=jerk.
1. "That reminds me of the time I shot a hole in the living room wall."
No, seriously, I shot a hole in the wall. With a pistol. I was only twelve. My punishment was no Girl Scout meetings for two weeks. We covered the hole with a framed cross-stitching. What's that? You're going outside for a cigarette? But wait, I thought you didn't smoke. Well, okay, I will wait right here for you...
Labels: joy division, men i would have dated
0 Responses to “top fives”
Post a Comment