(this is annie)


a little story

My armpits have a little five o'clock shadow right now, okay? That's why I put a jean jacket on over my pink shift dress this morning. All was fine until the apres-work soiree, in which I was standing near the big cheeses. I started getting nervous, wondering if maybe I should pipe up and try to impress them. I decided against it, because I couldn't stop thinking, "The head honcho and I have the same Dr. Scholls sandals, except mine are not stamped with the Louis Vuitton logo." And what if I'd gone to say something serious, and instead I blurted out the Scholls/Vuitton thing?

So I started to sweat a little. Just a little. To be fair, it was rather warm in the room. I should also mention that a mariachi band that was playing about ten feet away. Don't ask. I pretended to need to use the WC, which was a deft way to excuse myself before shoe talk got me fired.

I returned to my office area, where I ran into one of the other vegetarians on staff. "Oh, hey, I went out to this really nice vegetarian restaurant last night," I said to Fellow Vegetarian Fellow. "If you are ever up for a fancy vegetarian meal, that is a place that you should try."

Well, somehow I think I have perhaps stepped into ambiguous territory, because now I think he might think that I was trying to get him to go on a vegetarian date with me. So I started to sweat more. Then, oh god, to change the subject and make me seem like less of a Clarence Thomas, I started babbling about how Ted Leo is just the best guy ever and how his music is amazing, and hey do you know who Tegan and Sara are, because I am going to interview them and maybe I will fly to Montreal to do it because, you know, they are Canadian and Montreal is nice, and have I ever told you the story about chihuahua cheese?

And so that's why my armpits currently could double as a prime nature reserve for endangered species who so desperately need a rainforest-like environment. Later tonight, I am going to Amy and Megan's apartment to have my tarot cards read. Please please please let the cards say that the future holds less schvitzing.

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