So, good friend Trevor and I went to London and Paris. London didn't do much for me. It was nice enough, I guess, but the city and I just didn't click. Paris, on the other hand, felt like home. The pace, the environment, the food, the people—they all felt like old friends. I'm starting a little savings account called the Expatriate Writer Month 2005, and so next summer I plan to take a sabbatical from my job and just laze about the city for a while. Until then, here are a few pictures:
pont neuf
sacre-coeur
ah, existentialism!
westminster abbey
trevor at the tate modern
Also, I've been trying to examine why I am unable to commit to a romantic relationship. Some theories:
- I am very busy, and moving a relationship beyond the beginning casual stages takes time investment. When I (rarely) have free time, my first thoughts involve sleep, food, or bathing.
- For the past five years, I have had an embarrassing long-distance crush on Person X. I have built Person X up in my mind so well that he is practically perfect. In my mind, Person X's armpits smell like freshly baked cookies, and he never does anything even mildly foolish, ever. So it would be impossible for anybody else (even the non-idealized, real-life Person X) to live up to this ideal, and so I pine away foolishly. This allows me to be emotionally detached from anybody else. I am working on eradicating this crush, but it's hard work. I feel really stupid about this situation.
- I have frivolous subculture daydreams: oh, I could be dating a mod, and we could ride around on a Vespa and wear nice shirts and dance! or I really miss dating hardcore kids. Doesn't anybody love Chino Horde? Why can't we cuddle and listen to Sunny Day Real Estate when we are feeling sappy? I know that it shouldn't matter, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get excited by lip rings or whatever.
- I don't want to give up silly crushes quite yet. If I want to flirt wildly with somebody, I don't want that to hurt someone else's feelings.
- I need more alone-time than most people, and the more people are all, "I like you! Let us spend a lot of time together!" the more I want to flee. It makes me feel boxed in and pressured.
- I am an insensitive jerk who is callous and flippant when handling the hearts of others. Even when I am dating somebody who is wonderful, I get scared, and so I back off. In time, most likely when I am 40 and mourning the death of my cat, sitting alone in some tiny studio apartment, I will really regret this.
pont neuf
sacre-coeur
ah, existentialism!
westminster abbey
trevor at the tate modern
Also, I've been trying to examine why I am unable to commit to a romantic relationship. Some theories:
- I am very busy, and moving a relationship beyond the beginning casual stages takes time investment. When I (rarely) have free time, my first thoughts involve sleep, food, or bathing.
- For the past five years, I have had an embarrassing long-distance crush on Person X. I have built Person X up in my mind so well that he is practically perfect. In my mind, Person X's armpits smell like freshly baked cookies, and he never does anything even mildly foolish, ever. So it would be impossible for anybody else (even the non-idealized, real-life Person X) to live up to this ideal, and so I pine away foolishly. This allows me to be emotionally detached from anybody else. I am working on eradicating this crush, but it's hard work. I feel really stupid about this situation.
- I have frivolous subculture daydreams: oh, I could be dating a mod, and we could ride around on a Vespa and wear nice shirts and dance! or I really miss dating hardcore kids. Doesn't anybody love Chino Horde? Why can't we cuddle and listen to Sunny Day Real Estate when we are feeling sappy? I know that it shouldn't matter, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't get excited by lip rings or whatever.
- I don't want to give up silly crushes quite yet. If I want to flirt wildly with somebody, I don't want that to hurt someone else's feelings.
- I need more alone-time than most people, and the more people are all, "I like you! Let us spend a lot of time together!" the more I want to flee. It makes me feel boxed in and pressured.
- I am an insensitive jerk who is callous and flippant when handling the hearts of others. Even when I am dating somebody who is wonderful, I get scared, and so I back off. In time, most likely when I am 40 and mourning the death of my cat, sitting alone in some tiny studio apartment, I will really regret this.
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