(this is annie)

Having grown up as an only child, I am proficient at occupying my time by myself. When I was young and my parents were at work, my summer days were filled with blackberry picking and tree climbing and I Love Lucy episodes. I don't remember it feeling lonely very often, and this is probably why I require so much alone time as an adult.

But for some reason, I've been gripped with loneliness during the past couple of days. It became more severe yesterday. For work, I had a super-swank hot stone massage. Tough job, someone's got to do it, etc. It was luxurious and wonderful, but it was also the first time I'd been touched in weeks. Months? It felt so good, so human, and I wanted to cry because I suddenly felt like a wee monkey clinging to a terrycloth mother. You don't realize how lonely you are until it's pointed out to you.

I woke before dawn, as I usually do these days. I pushed open the blinds and peered through the rain that pelted my hotel-room window. The ocean was churning through the storm, kicking up white waves that briefly flashed in the darkness. While eating breakfast, I watched the rest of the water reveal itself to an overcast sky. Tonight, I will go home and pack a suitcase for one. Preparing for a solo trip has never bothered me before, and maybe it's just a temporary blue spell, but I really need a hug and I don't know why.

Labels: emo spice