(this is annie)


Between light and nowhere

"The city feels strange tonight," I said to Sabrina and Randall after we left the party. We were waiting to cross the street, and neon lights reflected in the wet pavement. Sabrina agreed that something indeed felt weird, but we couldn't put our collective finger on it. Maybe it's just that the early darkness doesn't feel routine yet, or the chill in the air isn't quite welcome. Either way, the air had a mildly unsettling low electric buzz. It seemed like one of those nights that I'll remember not for the events, but for the way it felt.

San Francisco is an appropriate setting for this year. I am used to the topography of New York and Chicago, where flat streets are laid out on orderly grids. This is a city of steep hills and low valleys, of curved streets and cliffs and unsteady earth. Here, the fingers of fog reach around buildings, enveloping entire neighborhoods and fighting with the sun to see who'll dominate the day. It is the most beautiful city I've lived in, but it is also the farthest from home. I was thinking of moving next year, and who knows, maybe I will, but right now, I cannot imagine a city that could provide a better metaphorical backdrop.

(In completely unrelated and shallow news, I have finally achieved this year's sartorial goal of looking like Shane McCutcheon's shoegazer sister — a full month ahead of schedule. Unfortunately, this is not because of wardrobe changes as much as weight loss. The clothes really do hang differently. Still: win!)

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