This is going to sound ridiculous and Stepford wife-y, but I love groceries. There's something about finding the perfect mango or a delicious cheese that makes me simply and purely happy. So I was quite excited to go home last night to use the produce I'd bought at Whole Foods. I devoured garlicky guacamole, chased it with pomegranate juice, and then made an avocado-provolone-tomato-sprout-tofurky-pesto sandwich. I was pretty sure that the sprouts were still good, and the pesto smelled all right, and I figured that nobody ever died from eating a whole avocado in one sitting before. And that's where the trouble began.
Halfway into the sandwich, my belly began to feel full. "That doesn't make sense, because I had a tiny lunch," I thought. "I will finish this SOB off." So I did, and then went on to clean the kitchen. Horrifyingly, I started belching. I very rarely experience this problem, honestly. Braap, braap, braap, I croaked while a tornado whipped through my stomach. The cat stared at me worriedly, then pooped in solidarity.
I put clean sheets on the bed and collapsed on top of it. As long as I didn't move, my digestive system seemed happy. So, as I am wont to do upon turning horizontal, I took a little nap. The ringing phone roused me from an avocado-green dream. I groggily answered it, only to hear laughter and conversation: a party of some sort. The voices sounded familiar but muffled, and then I heard Phil's voice. I repeated my hellos before realizing that he'd just ass-dialed me. I don't know whether to laugh about this or cringe.
Halfway into the sandwich, my belly began to feel full. "That doesn't make sense, because I had a tiny lunch," I thought. "I will finish this SOB off." So I did, and then went on to clean the kitchen. Horrifyingly, I started belching. I very rarely experience this problem, honestly. Braap, braap, braap, I croaked while a tornado whipped through my stomach. The cat stared at me worriedly, then pooped in solidarity.
I put clean sheets on the bed and collapsed on top of it. As long as I didn't move, my digestive system seemed happy. So, as I am wont to do upon turning horizontal, I took a little nap. The ringing phone roused me from an avocado-green dream. I groggily answered it, only to hear laughter and conversation: a party of some sort. The voices sounded familiar but muffled, and then I heard Phil's voice. I repeated my hellos before realizing that he'd just ass-dialed me. I don't know whether to laugh about this or cringe.
Labels: crabbiness
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