There's a woman at work who keeps pointing out a newish contractor. She seems to think he is El Foxo Grande. "You should go talk with him," she urges from behind her marital cage. "Don't you think he's cute?" Well, to be honest, these are some things I find cute: kittens, raspberry tarts, baby shoes, and David Duchovny. Beardy the Contractor is not one of them. He's good-looking and all, but that's just not my "type." As I explained to Lady Coworker, Beardy lacks the mysterious air of moody brooding (and dark hair) that proves irresistable time and time again. Also, I think he wears pleated pants. Lady Coworker thinks I should pursue him. I suspect that she takes pity on me for having a seemingly endless supply of lousy-boy stories. At least it keeps things interesting.
You know what else keeps things interesting? Giving people nicknames. Without divulging identities, here is a sampling of recent nicknames given: Senor Dipshit; Diesel Boy; Gary Sinise; Dreamy K—; The Unhappy Little Elf; Overbearing M— Foxy McFoxerson; Matlock; Peter Brady; The President; Frodo; The Freshmaker; The Locust; Our Fake Boyfriend; Tex; Max Fischer; The New Tony; The Best-Dressed Boy in Chicago; and so on. Roomer and I now have our own nicknames, too: Nitewing and Elfstar (which came from the detailed windshield of a low-rider Honda and a Chick tract, respectively). It pleases me to give people secret names, because it's as though I am creating my own little world with its own characters. I'm prone to telling Evan (Matlock), "Just look at Foxy McFoxerson. He totally loves me and he's kicking himself for standing me up that one time."
You know what else keeps things interesting? Giving people nicknames. Without divulging identities, here is a sampling of recent nicknames given: Senor Dipshit; Diesel Boy; Gary Sinise; Dreamy K—; The Unhappy Little Elf; Overbearing M— Foxy McFoxerson; Matlock; Peter Brady; The President; Frodo; The Freshmaker; The Locust; Our Fake Boyfriend; Tex; Max Fischer; The New Tony; The Best-Dressed Boy in Chicago; and so on. Roomer and I now have our own nicknames, too: Nitewing and Elfstar (which came from the detailed windshield of a low-rider Honda and a Chick tract, respectively). It pleases me to give people secret names, because it's as though I am creating my own little world with its own characters. I'm prone to telling Evan (Matlock), "Just look at Foxy McFoxerson. He totally loves me and he's kicking himself for standing me up that one time."
In news that will explain my recent absence online: I've been writing reviews of text and sound. One's to be published in Bust within the next issue or two. The other big news is that now I'm a reviewer for Punk Planet. The Tomlin reach is expanding!
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