Weekend mantra (already silently chanting):My nerves are on edge—on edge. We must leave this terrifying place tomorrow and go searching for sunshine.

10.04.2000

I think my computer is punishing me for downloading, um, Journey. Apparently I don't have an OS anymore, and I've lost everything, and my spirits are appropriately and consequently flattened. I think my work and files are all gone, too. If it isn't one thing, it's another.

10.03.2000

Every day I come home from work and have, like, ten messages on the answering machine. "Dang, I am popular," I think. "Aw yeah." But inevitably, when the messages play, all of them are from the cat playing with the machine. So tonight, knowing full wel l that the phone would not ring, I went on Napster and snagged this odd group of songs. The list, and commentary:

Rye Coalition: Baby Puts Out Old Flames — one of my Brugger mix-tape favorites. I think it was from a split with Karp.

Rye Coalition: Baby's Got a New Flame — I mistakenly downloaded this, thinking it was the other Rye song about babies and flames. Less chaos, more booty-shakin' dance action. Still good.

Native Nod: Bread, Mimsey, High Tide in Alaska — Ted Leo has a new record out (go pick it up, as everything that Ted does is marvy. I am sure that the most mundane Ted activities, including flossing and sock-shopping, are done with special stylish fl air) and so I started thinking about his brother Chris. Two years ago, I walked into my kitchen, and there Chris was, and me in my unstylish plaid pj pants! Oh, the embarrassment. Anyway, if memory serves, said Leo brother was in Native Nod. I somehow mis placed my copy of their CD, and at 2 pm today I suddenly had to hear "Bread." Eight hours later, here I am.

Mogwai: Don't Cry — Yes, the Guns and Roses song. Or is it Guns 'n' Roses? Oh, who cares. Axl Rose wears collapsed spandex anyway.

Go-Gos: We Got the Beat — As do I, as do I, my sisters. I was trying to teach Evan how to dance, but he insinuated that all I was doing was moving my derriere around. Hm.

Mohinder: The Static Cult — "But I thought emo started with the Promise Ring, man."

Guns &/and/'n' Roses: Sweet Child O' Mine — Maysan used to sing along to this after work at UBO. Now I will carry on the tradition at my newish job!

To come, if I can stay awake: Journey! Bleed! Bleeding journey!

10.02.00

It's nice to be sleepy-warm. I think that's why people came up with the word "comforter" — what isn't comforting about a snuggly blanket on a cool night?

10.01.2000

The big goal for October is to update this mofo every day -- and to also incorporate funny alternatives to profanity in all my goshdamn conversations. That last one is actually what I say; I have never said its profane sister. It's all that Catholic schoo ling that did it to me. I'll never be able to do anything without fearing airborne chalk thrown from the hands of one Sister Mary Courtade, fourth grade teacher, St. Basil Catholic School.

We used to drive around with toilet paper, streaming it down the streets of South Haven, dressing Teddy up in it (a tiny mummy!), leaving bologna on the cars of rich boys who thought we were merely stupid townies. Mark and Dave and I made signs one day. A ll they said was 'hookers,' if memory serves, and we stealthily drove up to the high school parking lot. "Faculty parking only" became "Hookers parking only." What pranksters!

So I think I know what things would be like if I were to get drunk. The other night around 1:30 am, I fell into a sleepy, talkative, ridiculous mood. Usually when I'm sleepy, I talk more than a sassy audience member on Ricki Lake. But instead of playa-hat in', I spout off the dorkiest stuff, all in what I suspect is a slurred purr. This occasion was no different, but rather embarrassing. "Did youuuuu know"--here, I swivel a half-turn and tap my finger on people--"that FAULKner's whole 'good ol' boy' Southe rn schtick was only half truuuue? Y'see, he spent"--tap tap, toothy delirious grin, walk into wall--"a while in PAR-is, just like all those other drunken expates! Have you ever read Light in August?" And the whole time I have this silly accent go ing, and I'm aware of it but not quite able to stop it.

Stereolab and eggs: like I said, what's not to like about the whole deliciously lazy thing?

(ps) Big thanks to FWMJ for helping me build my hip-hop collection and for being an all-around cool cat.