question Are you really Annie's mom?
answer Yes, I am. Have the birth certificate -- but no stretch marks -- to prove it. Annie types up your questions and mails them to me. I read all of them and wait a couple of days to digest and ponder. Then I reread, answer, and mail them back to her.
question

I'm 21 years old. Last year, my brother (and only sibling) hung himself in our backyard. I'm sure you can imagine the torture this caused for my family. I have always had lots of freedom growing up... until now. It seems that my mom fears my destruction so much that she wants me to be a kid again. She complains that I'm not home enough, that I don't come home early enough, I don't go to be early enough, things that a mother would control in grade school.

I'm technically an adult, though I can admit that I can be pretty needy. True, I live under her roof, but that's by her choice and not mine; I offered and begged a thousand times to move out. I understand that she's hurting tremendously and that she's afraid for my well-being, but I'm having such a hard time dealing with these issues without making things worse.

I love my mom but I feel bad that instead of being supportive of her, I just get frustrated and angry at her attempts to control me that I blow up in her face. I don't mean to. It's just all my pent up anger. Is there anything you could suggest to help? What could I say to her? I'm hoping that since you are a mom you could maybe relate a bit more. I'm at my wit's end.

answer I am so sorry for your loss. Obviously your brother's suicide has had huge repercussions on the family dynamics. Since you say you've had lots of freedom growing up, your mom could be feeling tremendous guilt, thinking all that freedom contributed to your brother's problems. So she's "pulling in the reins," so to speak, on you.

I don't think that's the answer. What's done is done. It's ironic in that trying to protect you, she could actually be pushing you away from the family. Your brother abandoned life, but both you and your mom have your lives to live. I'd be positive and pro-active in suggesting you both seek some counseling. If mom doesn't want to go, show her how adult you are by going on your own.

question Photography has been a hobby of mine for several years now. I have entered a few contests and I've won some money in the past. I still have a year left of high school and I've been thinking about what I want to pursue in university when the times comes. The only thing that I really want to be is a photographer. My problem is that my parents don't take my wishes seriously and they say that I should pursue a career in commerce, or worse yet, computers! How can I convince them that studying arts in university is not a total waste?
answer You sound excited and passionate about photography. That's great! I'd use your senior year to gather all the information about the subject and the schools that offer great programs. Talk to your advisor and show your dedication. Stay calm and focused (no pun intended) when discussing your interests with your parents. Hopefully your serious intentions will be evident to them. Good luck!
question Hi! About what age do you start shaving your legs? I'm 11, I swim, and all my friends shave but me. Should I?
answer Hi! There's no definite age to start. I don't know if the hair on your legs is very noticable, but I do know that once you start shaving, it will be a part of your grooming ritual for years and years and years. Once you start, you have to keep it up. I know some people who shave their legs every day, some every other day, and some whenever they feel like it. So it's up to you.
question I'm 18, and I will be going off to college in September, as will my boyfriend. We've been together off and on for three years. Right now, life is going well for us. We love each other and have good conversations, and all that happy couple stuff. We're going to different colleges -- about 2 hours apart. I plan on taking masses of art courses and getting a job, so I don't count on having lots of time to drive and see him. I'm wondering if we should stay together when we go away, or just break up before the dream shatters. He and I have talked a lot about it, but we can't really come to a strong decision.
answer Sounds like the two of you really care about and respect one another. You're aware that a separation can cause stress in a relationship, but it also sounds like you'd rather break up now, before either one of you may want to later. There will be a lot of changes and adjustments for both of you when you get to college. I think the best scenario would be to share your experiences, and be honest with your feelings. See how it goes one day at a time.
question Where can I send my questions? And are there archived questions?
answer Send your questions here, and check out some earlier questions while you're at it.