Two years ago, I felt very bad for what felt like a very long time. So much of my feelings have been left in the past, and I no longer can remember everything. Words and feelings and images come to me in bits and pieces, and what you read here is consequently fragmented.

If you have never been depressed, or if you've never felt that you were truly losing your mind, then you'll probably look at this with a degree of superiority and skepticism. Or maybe you'll write it off as post-adolescent pathos. Whether it is the limitation of language or the limitation of empathy, this may not mean anything to you.

But if you have ever felt that shudder of realization, the one that tells you that something is horribly wrong with you, then maybe you'll be able to forgive me for not being able to fully convey how that feels.

not just pain relief
to the hospital
what people say