Record Reviews

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Team Dresch- Captain My Captain	Okay, so dummy me didn’t know right away that Team Dresch is a lesbian band. So I’m a little slow. At first I thought it was really cool that these women formed a band to sing about queer love and other stuff. But then I realized it doesn’t really matter if they like boys or girls or both. What matters: this is a really good CD. There are kick-yer-ass faster songs, all with non-wussy-but-pretty vocals. It’s queer punk rock but not like yucky NOFX’s "Liza and Louise." Maybe homophobes would change their minds if they listened to the lovely lyrics about love and relationships. Very nice indeed.	Neat poetic reference for the name of the album. The lead singer has a pretty voice, which is actually a pleasant surprise in punk rock. Her voice is very pretty. Alas, I’m becoming redundant. Marvy bass lines are an excellent backup for stirring lyrics about emotional blackmail. This band makes me want to kick my mom’s ass. My dummy friend Annie didn’t know Team Dresch was a lesbian band. I figured that out immediately. Maybe I’ll send their CD to the Christian Connection. I like them! The guitarists are obviously having fun, and the drummer just rocks. I think I’m done now.
Weston- A Real-Life Story of Teenage Rebellion	A boy named Weston took me to my first formal, woo woo. Um, I like Weston the band and all, but they tend to go off key on this one. I guess there are some good songs, but they just aren’t as catchy as others I’ve heard.	Fuck Kurt, I want Weston. Is this a love song to Courtney Love? Even if it is, this song rocks. That "Little Mile ’94" song was written about me and girlfriends like me. These guys know how to appreciate the overbearing. Neato guitar (is it obvious yet that I’m not very good at this?)
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Earth Crisis- "Firestorm" (the song)	See, I just don’t get the fuss over these guys. They’re gardeners, for cryin’ out loud! They’re singing about cultivating their garden. I heard they’re even vegetarians. But they're not into organic gardening, as shown by this line: "Violets against violets, let the Roundup begin!" Danielle says this is about killing people, but I think she’s all wrong.	Straight Edge Rage Against the Machine. ‘Nuf said. Scream, scream, threaten to kill people, scream some more. Angst without style is just whining. Get over it. What the hell are you trying to purify, Adolf? You see any frat boys shoving beer down your throat? Then leave their drunk asses alone.
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Gorilla Biscuits	I was still climbing trees when this first came out. I love it dearly and always listen to it when everyone else is out getting high. I relate with this so much more than many of the sXe bands of today; I don't know. Maybe I'm just a positive kid. But anyway, this is fast and honest and go go go - how hardcore should be. Civ (the band) is not as good as this, and I attribute that to the voice cracks. In GB, there were cracks aplenty. With Civ, no dice. I think Danielle is making fun of this album.	Wouldn’t Gorilla Biscuits count as meat? You boys better behave. Your colon will thank you. "High Hopes"- whoa! This is fast. Very fast. It makes me want to pee. (pause). All better. The lyrics aren’t too bad, those that I can hear. Very boy music, though I love the voice cracking. "No Reason Why" - whoa! This is even too fast for peeing. How many cappuccinos have you had, young man? Don’t get me wrong! I like them. Especially "GM21." I know her, this girl. I’ll kick her ass for ya!
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Jawbreaker- "Ashtray Monument" (the song)	First of all, I am really upset without Jawbreaker. And know how sometimes you hear words that aren't there? Please take note: After all, it's not that bad Sid Vicious, I'm your dad All the things that we once did Sid I love you I guess you're dead What exactly is Blake trying to say? Is he really Sid's dad, back from the dead? Look for it on an upcoming X-Files.	This song is really cool, but the references to Sid Vicious are confusing. ‘Sid I love you?’ ‘Sid I’m your dad?’ I don’t know.
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Propagandhi- Less Talk, More Rock.	Dear Propagandhi, This is on Fat Wreck Chords, and the liner notes ask, "So what if we're on Fat Wreck Chords?" I'll tell you what's wrong with that, my Canadian friends. I think you're an okay band - songs are decent and all, but part of the reason why I listen to you is this: I can relate with your politics, and I've always thought you had feminist ideas. So when I see you putting out records on Fat Wreck, it makes me feel a little strange. For a band that seemingly cares about women so much, you are supporting a record label known for its degrading album cover art and its portrayal of women as servient beings. I hate Fat Wreck (please see related explanation) and it pains me to see you on their label. So there. Maybe that's not a fair critique of the music, but it's what I think of the whole situation.	I like them. This song rocks because it is Propagandhi. I’ll even forgive them for forsaking me meat. I love smart people who make music. They make me forgive the world for people like Oasis. This CD rocks.
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Pretty In Pink soundtrack	My life was to be this movie. I even ordered a pink prom dress as a subtle salute to the many, many, many Friday nights spent at home senior year watching this cinematic treat. (It was too big, though, and I wound up wearing a stylish [yet, in my opinion, a little too seductive] red number.) The best part of the movie is the end, when OMD plays in the background at the prom. Aaugh! Why does Molly Ringwald opt for the rich boy with bad hair instead of Duckie, played by the lovable Jon Cryer? The confusion always overwhelms me and I begin to cry because, dammit, I can't have Duckie! Most of this soundtrack is lame 80's stuff like INXS, but it was worth the special order for the Smiths song, the OMD tune, and the best of all: "Pretty In Pink" by the Psychedelic Furs. It makes me want to ride my bike by the boys who made fun of me in high school. Flipping them off and ringing my stylish squirrel-stickered bike bell as pink streamers flapped in the wind, I would be an empowered young woman.	Have you noticed that usually we only review stuff we like? This is no different. I love this stuff. I’ll be a sucker for those guys any day. "Touch You Once" is classic 80’s goo and I’m melting right along with it. This song gives me the shiver quivers. It makes up for the pile of dirt I had to drive over in Annie’s driveway. OMD, I love thee. I was destined to marry Duckie. He will be mine. Oh yes, he will be mine. The Psychedelic Furs... Quiver quiver quiver. The Smiths can have all my tears because they’ve earned them. I understand naked depression better than any other emotion. Sigh.
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Less Than Jake - Losers, Kings, and Really Stupid Long Titles.	Look! Another ska band! Wowie zoinks! Why does every ska-punk band cover so many songs? This album is okay for a listen, but there's only so much of this musical genre one can take without going slightly loopy. Maybe skanking isn't really dancing. Maybe it's a physical reaction to surplus ska guitar. You never know. Precautions should be taken. And here's a funny joke: Why was the armless rude boy upset? Because he couldn't pick it up!ahaha! I slay myself.	Happy feet! Laverne and Shirley would be proud. I feel like gettin’ all gussied up and going to Stingers... well, maybe not. This Jenny song is so cute. Remakes rock. What’s up with the Pez fetish?
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The Make*Up - Destination Love Live! at Cold Rice and blah blah	Suave. A fun listen; excellent for house-cleaning because I can hop around and dance with the vacuum cleaner. On the other hand, the Make*Up and so many other bands make me very insecure. They're just too darn stylish. My uniform of size thirty pants and sweater make me feel like Miss Harrigan clothed me. I feel like such a ragamuffin compared to them. I tried on a tasteful black shirt and some black hiphuggers at Urban Oufitters, but I was too self-conscious to wear them because it showed off my semi-girlish figure. I'm never moving to DC. (ps) This isn't really live. I think that's sneaky.	Silly Annie says she doesn’t like funky stuff. This is pretty darn funky stuff in the beginning and she bopped her head. I saw it. Anniephunky. Make-Up is different. I don’t hate ‘em, but I’m not drooling. "They Live By Night" ROCKS!!!!!!!!!! [actual amount of exclamation points] They remind me of the group that did "Monster Mash."