11.30.98

I am going to write the Secret antiperspirant people a nasty note. Their product does not work! Right now I am in my recently pressed blue shirt, and I am sweating a nervous sweat that was brought on by the surprise appearance of Ben, the Overzealous Ex-Boyfriend. I was working on my English paper, minding my own business and sipping a delightfully sugary Capri Sun--when suddenly, Ben sat down next to me. Hell! And he started talking to me like he wasn't planning to just say hello. Hell!

He had dyed his hair blond, and I really wanted to laugh because it looks kind of silly--it's the kind of orangey blond that works when you're sixteen, but not when you're approaching 22. Anyway, we chatted for about fifteen minutes: Thanksgiving, parents, music; and eventually, new people we're dating (actually, the people we have been dating for the past 10 or 11 months, but the sorority girl from Connecticut will always be "new" to me, as I'm sure Evan is "new" to Ben). It was awkward and slightly sentimental and as uncomfortable as it was familiar. I made him smell my lipstick (in the tube, not on my lips) and he said that I was silly to buy lipstick because it smells like cookie dough. There was more, but I don't know how healthy and relevant it is to discuss something that is unhealthy and irrelevant.

He was wearing a shirt that I had given to him when we were dating. I wondered why he still wore it; I wondered if he still wore the other things I'd given him. I don't wear the shirt he gave me, and I really cannot remember other gifts he gave me. I think I made myself forget.

So here I am, typing away in the post-meeting sweat pool. Disgusting! I hate sweating! I hate surprises like this! I hate myself for not being able to hate Ben, when I have so many reasons to hate him. I don't want to be sweaty and verklempt. I want to be apathetic.

For added fun, you may visit Ben's web page, which I made for him a few years ago. You may enjoy its smooth and clean design.