10.15.97

so my favorite punk rocking, font-making, hair-spiking, riotgrrl cohort, dustin, has this nice part of his personal page that is all about keeping a journal. i am a big time copycat (especially when something is done as nicely as everything dustin does) and so now i am going to have a little diary, too. you may find it boring, and that's okay. i figure that i'll actually write every day, or at least slightly regularly, if i know that somebody could yell at me for not doing it. someday i will dig up this file and laugh my fool head off.

happy first birthday, page! happy? maybe, yes, it's nice to have a web page. despite lost friends and lost loves and lost fragments of self, i still have my page. something that i can show to others and say, "look! see! see what i have done." and of course not everyone does a page. it's been quite the year with the page. started out with a few silly pages. grew to be much more of a monster than necessary. i remember trying so hard to get people to see my page. now i dodge e-mail as if they were spitwads. everything changes.

lately i have been super busy, but i've also been doing much of nothing. life goes up and down. sometimes something as small as a song makes me cry. and then sometimes the scent of "eau de frat boy" cologne punches my nose, reminding me of events that i wish were just bad dreams. i can be angry or happy or sad or funny or sometimes all of these things, all in ten minutes. it used to worry me and i thought that maybe i was insane or something (shouldn't i be a little more stable?). but now i realize that it's okay to feel different things, even if they don't make sense. now, if i ever start hearing voices in my head, then maybe i will justifiably start to think that i am one loopy kid. but for now, i am all about sanity.

i think i will go now. the guy here at the computer lab must be annoyed by my incessant pestering. and besides, croissants never sounded so good.