9.11.98

For Super Wombat:

I come from a rural area near a small resort town. South Haven is a relatively boring and conservative community, the kind of place where hair with a blue streak is still deemed shocking. Gossip flows through the town almost as quickly as the nearby nuclear plant purges hot water into Lake Michigan. Locals tell the sordid tale of Johnny Davis. He is a character not easily forgotten, though most who encounter him try to do so.

I have never talked with the man, so the only description I can offer is that of his appearance: Mister Davis has shaggy, wavy greying hair that loosely embraces his face, the kind of visage that conceals his years. This is not to say that he looks young; if anything, the sun has roasted his skin into an odd orangey shade of wrinkled leather. But it's impossible to guess his age. He could be fifty just as easily as thirty-five, but an estimate of mid-to-late forties would be safe.

And here is where the story really begins: In the period between the disappearance of snow and the falling of leaves, Johnny Davis mows his lawn. A few times a week, he tends to his personal yard, as well as those of his rental properties. Opting for a simple push mower instead of a shiny green John Deere riding mower, he creates straight paths on the grass. Back and forth, back and forth he goes.

His diligent yardwork would not be remarkable in the slightest, if only he were not so peculiar about the ordeal. The oddness of Mr. Davis' work relates more than slightly to his choice of clothing. Whereas most yardworkers cover themselves in well-worn shirts and faded jeans, or perhaps a bare male torso in the summer heat, our friend opts to wear nothing but a magenta thong.

And if his clothing were not enough to raise an eyebrow or two, he couples it with truly baffling behavior. From time to time he shifts his gaze while pushing the mower, his vision roving from the grass to a video camera. Without fail, the camera captures his thong-clad body and its movements, and it is for this reason that Johnny Davis has become a town legend.