Me: Why? (willing to step many, many feet away)

Chad: Well, uh, that video playing... it's awkward to talk with you while that's in the background.

Me: The Penthouse video?

Chad: Yeah, it's, you know, awkward.

Me: Ever hear of the Kuleshov effect?

Chad: The what? ("wh" diphthong bringing out the robust vodka-tinged breath)

Me: Kuleshov. It's Russian. (wishing to be in Russia at that moment)

Chad: Aw. Naw. Nope. Are you a smart girl?

Me: Of course. (uncharacteristically immodest in hopes of intimidating man)

Chad: And modest, too! (thinking himself witty)

Me: Why should I self-deprecate? (proud of self for concise syntax!)

Chad: Haw haw haw! Welyuhshoodnt.(drunk!)

[silence]

Chad: So. (desperately trying to look hip)

Me: Hmm?

Chad: So, uh, are you, uh, eighteen yet? (desperately trying to look unlike a pervert)

Me: Yes, I'm older than eighteen. I just don't look it. (realizing, too late, that "no" would have been a better response)

Chad: Hmm. (thinking of ways to get that phone number)

Me: Hmm. (thinking of reasons to avoid dance clubs in the future)